Hair Loss of Boss

If you happen to join us for lunch, you shall get to know my boss. You see he is short, with beer belly, shiny bald head with a tuft of hair trying to stand upright on his bald head. Hence the nick name The Baldy.

It was expected of all five branch managers in the town of Jhumri Talliya that they join lunch with The Baldy in his office. Not that he hosted the lunch daily but one had to contribute nominally on monthly basis & rest was on the house. Besides you were also entitled to gift of a tie on your birthday.

The variety in menu was good, office peon served well but protocol had to be observed you see. This meant that biryani which was choice of The Baldy came first & your choice of Kadi chawal entered the menu a week later. Protocol also meant that you laughed more on the silly jokes cracked by the boss & also appreciated his shirts.

On Monday during the lunch, discussion somehow veered around to human hair. Now all branch managers present there had more or less ample hair on their heads. Two of them had natural black with 20-30% turning white. Others used black hair colour. Odd man out was the boss The Baldy who sighed & said,

- I am loosing a lot of them after posting in Jhumri Talliya you see. Paani of Jhumri is no good I say.

Everyone was struck with grief & was trying to sympathise with him. I felt like calling a condolence meeting of staff of all the branches on the subject matter of boss loosing his hair. But meantime others had started offering suggestions.

Manager Goel - Sir I use charcoal boiled in mustard oil. My wife prepares a paste for me & I apply this on my scalp on weekly basis. Very useful sir.

- Oho Goel what paste? I say my hair is disappearing & you are talking about black colour. You better apply on your face also at least your beard will not be white. I am asking you about deposits you are replying about NPAs, retorted The Baldy.

Manager Anand - Sir a new beer based shampoo cum hair raiser cum hair nourisher has come in the market but I am not sure of the name sir. I suggest you try this sir. I will get you a bottle sir. May be hair will start growing.

- Arre Anand, I know, I know. You are PhD in beer usage & want me to have a bath in beer do you? Go take a walk, you are on the verge of becoming NPA, rebuked The Baldy.

Manager Gupta - Sir why can't we go for hair transplant? Costs one lac or so & takes a month or so. We can send the bill under medical benefit scheme to Head Office sir.

-Oye Guptaji it is much more expensive, more time consuming & of course Head Office will never pay. Forget it & get lost. Money comes first to your mind Guptaji, said The Baldy.

Manager Verma - Sir we can apply for transfer from Jhumri to Head Office on medical grounds. No sir?

- Yaar Varmaji keep your ideas to yourself will you? You don't know the background of my posting here. That's a long story not to be discussed over lunch but over dinner you know, said The Baldy.

Manager Sharma - Sir may I suggest use of amla oil in the night & washing it off in the morning? But there is a condition attached to it sir. It has to be applied on the scalp by soft fingers of madamji or your sister in law to be effective.

- Good Sharma good. I don't like this oil applying business but I do like soft fingers on my scalp. Specially if the fingers are of sister in law.

Nice hair style

High Tea in Jhumri Talliya

Phone rang & PA to Zonal Manager informed of boss wanting to visit the branch. Welcome said I. Could one say anything better?

Let me draw a sketch of my boss for you - bald, round faced, a few strands of hair trying to stand up on his head, short of height & a big beer belly. Nick named The Baldy, he talks as if he alone is right & most experienced. Likes to drink in the evening with preference for roasted leg or two of chicken or some kebab.

PA further informed that The Baldy shall be reaching the branch around 4 pm & it would be better if high tea is organised for him. Welcome said I. Could one say anything better?

Now having spent most of the time in rural & small town branches this term 'high tea' did not make any sense to me. I checked up with staff in the branch who had heard of tea but not 'high tea'. I checked back with PA who said 'yaar along with tea have some cashews, samosas & pastries that's about all'. To be sure I checked up dictionary as well. High tea is defined as a meal including tea, butter toasts, jam & cakes served between 5 pm to 7 pm. It is said to have been started by British aristocracy around the year 1825. So The Baldy must have been born prior to 1825 CE in British aristocracy.

Now the menu was clear - tea, cashews, samosa & biscuits as pastries in Jhumri were heard of but not available. It is a small town full of ponds & ducks. Vermaji informed that keema samosa of Yaseen halwai is world famous in Jhumri & is available only in the evenings. In case The Baldy saab is non veg, he would relish it. In case saab stays for drinks than chicken tangri & kebabs can also be organised from Yaseen bhai. That settled the menu.

Having finished with official work, all officers joined The Baldy for high tea. He relished the keema samosa & thanked Varmaji for the show. Thereafter he preached & sermonised about hard work for increasing business figures & achieving targets & so on. By now it was late & he accepted an offer of a small peg before departing. All officers gathered after a break in a room in nearby hotel. Varmaji was bubbling with energy & had organised it well with chilled beer, whisky, kebabs & special edition of keema samosa for the gathering.

After first peg things became cordial & everybody listened to old repeated jokes of The Baldy & laughed heartily as if these were the best ones. After all The Baldy is the boss & signs the annual appraisal sheet. As the party went in to next round of cheers, keema samosa arrived to the delight of all but Sharmaji who takes drinks but is a vegetarian. A round of large pegs was served. After having a bite The Baldy started praising spicy & tasty samosa. Sharmaji jumped in & proclaimed that he had heard about Yaseen using buffalo meat in place of mutton & ducks in place of chickens in kebabs.

Well there was a pin drop silence in the room.
 
I am not sure what effect Keema would have on annual appraisal or whether negative remarks would follow.