Ufff These Branch Auditors!

Come 1^st of April we begin new financial year with Auditor’s Day. Now in this very large branch we have battery of auditors visiting all through the year. Here is the incomplete list:- Statutory Branch Auditor, Internal Auditor, Annual Auditor, Concurrent Auditor, Stock Auditor, Snap Auditor, Credit Auditor.....

Like a friend said that 2/3^rd of earth is under water & 1/3^rd under audit!

And their list of reports is longer than the above one:- Branch Audit Report, Monthly Report, Qly Report, Half-yearly Report, Annual Report, Credit Report, Stock Audit Report, Tax Audit Report....

As you know this is because auditors have a slogan: ‘In god we trust, rest all we Audit’. Our management also sides with auditors & says: ‘In god & auditor we trust all other officials are suspect & need to get audited’. They think that perhaps without auditors the branch, the bank, the country & the world may go off the track & collapse.

You see our Zonal Manager the Baldy, is lion hearted when it comes to auditors. He calls up meeting to emphasise upon the importance of  audit, proper care of the auditor, timely completion of the audit & keeping all previous audit reports ready. Now every auditor is also very fond of previous auditor & previous audit report of previous auditor. Great emphasis is placed on previous audit. In general following introductory dialogue takes place with the auditor:

Branch Manager- Sir which hotel have you checked in?

Auditor- Taj. What was the position in previous audit?

Branch Manager- Would you like to visit the any unit financed Sir?

Auditor- Unit? What was the position in previous audit?

Branch Manager-Sir Tea or Coffee?

Auditor- What was the position in previous audit?

A bit exaggerated you may say but you get the idea. In nut shell auditors are VIP people & we are mango ppl.

Audit must proceed in a time-bound manner but if auditor is not interested to do so, you are to be blamed. So be careful. In previous audit the audit team comprised of two people- husband & wife. Those two wanted to visit Mussoorie & were in a hurry. I tell you the audit was finished even before it started.

Found by the Auditor!

Then there was an old fussy character of an auditor wanting booze & car & kept roaming about the city. He did finish the audit by copying the previous audit report.

Another auditor last year lingered on & on trying to find faults, to detect shortcomings with a magnifying glass left abruptly & then his audit report was received in mail – all ok.

To my mind auditors are more of liabilities than assets & can be termed as occupational hazards. Their prescription at times upsets your BP & they leave no medical advice. So my banker friends tackle them tactfully & keep them in good humour.

You see if your beard is on fire don’t ask for a matchstick for lighting bidi!