Sunday, 28 July 2013

Listen to Me Branch Manager!

Job profile of a branch manager involves several features which are not listed in the rule book. In between customers, clerical staff, officers & controlling bosses there are moments of pleasure & pain for the branch manager. BM has to be a good listener. Check this out. 

I was attending a Branch Managers’ meeting when an urgent phone call came from the branch at about 3.30 pm. Two of the officers of the branch Sharma & Varma had a verbal duel, and then fisticuffs. Both were hurt. Glasses of the Sharma were broken, watch of Varma. This was informed by a Chief Manager who said that he had arrived at the branch for Surprise Inspection & was really surprised at the scene.  Atmosphere in the branch was tense he said & asked me to come back immediately.

Into the left ear of the Boss I whispered & apprised him of incident & rushed back to the branch. At branch I had discussions with Surprised Chief Manager, Sharma the old man, Varma the young officer & other witnesses. Later landlord also butted in. Next three days were devoted to discussions, discussions & more discussions. I had to listen with closed eyes & open ears & vice versa! I took the stand that both officers had spoiled the show therefore both be punished / transferred from the branch.
Disciplined with a stick!
Minutes of Meetings are as under. Till date these minutes have not been approved.
ZM to BM : You say that both be transferred. How will you run the branch bhai ? I can’t give you two substitutes instantly. They don’t grow on trees you know. See senior one is retiring this year. Junior one has long career.  Now both will be going to their leaders & pressure will come on me. Difficult situation for me bhai.
Saab ke liye chai lao bhai. Biscit bhi lana. Yes I was saying that will you stick to your stand about their transfer? If yes then let me call the leader. In his presence please stick to your stand. Otherwise I may not be able to do anything. Arre bhai I also want to hang them both but my hands are tied. 
Leader to BM : Why are you insisting on transfer sirji? What was the need for reporting this? It could have been solved by us. Senior one is about to retire & he will be after me to stop this transfer. Junior will also ask for rafa-dafa. He has a long way to go. In fact both have gone mad. I feel like goli maar do dono ko.
Chai lana yaar jara jaldi. I have to go to ZO now to discuss this matter. My request yaar please don’t ask for their transfer sir. I will find out a way. Saala ZM will agree but he might ask for something in exchange. Please please sirji. My personal request again don’t insist on transfer.

Sharma the old man to BM : Sirjee just keep in mind that I have to retire in 8 months & 10 days sir. Sir I am not in a position to go on a transfer at this stage sir. Please sirjee. It was Varma who started all this. Believe me sir. I have never done anything like this in my whole life sir.
Have your tea sir getting cold. You can very well check my reputation from previous branches sir. Only this Varma has started this entire thing sir. He should be transferred. He speaks against you on your back sir. Complete rascal sir this Varma. I wanted to visit your place with my wife as she also wanted to make a request. But I have already told her about your kindness sirjee.

Varma the young officer to BM : I heard about transfer sir. My request to you is that matter be reconsidered please. It is the old man who acted funny not me. His eye sight & mental faculties have dimmed sir. He started abusing & I have witnesses to prove it. I am not afraid of transfer sir but going like this is not fair. I hope you will do justice sir. No transfer sir. Please.

Landlord to BM : CM Saab they have spoiled the reputation of your bank. This is a govt bank otherwise both would have been dismissed. Pucca saab pucca. Least you can do is to transfer them. Otherwise our shop keepers association will write to higher ups also. Saab entire market is talking about your officers fighting in the office! This is shameful saab. You must transfer them from this branch one to Assam & other to Kashmir to teach them a lesson.

Surprised Chief Manager to BM : We are colleagues dear in the same boat. You understand once the enquiry about this starts they would call me as witness yaar. That would be very embarrassing for a senior person like me or for that matter you to take side of one junior. Hai na? Let the matter be buried yaar. Forget transfer of these two. What is it to us? Marne do.
Lets concentrate on interview dear for AGM. My contacts inform that interview is coming very shortly as things are ready. One request dear.  Don’t bring my name anywhere in this episode. In fact I was going to a neighboring branch for Surprise Inspection & not yours. I have already talked to ZM on this. Bye then.

On fourth day I requested for my transfer back to Jhumri Taliyya! 
Ready to Go! 

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