Wednesday, 20 June 2012

G-20 & Bidi

The other day in G20 summit meeting, PM Manmohan Singh announced India’s contribution of $10bn -which translates to Rs.55,000 crores-  as lifeline to Eurozone countries via IMF. Last year govt had declared contribution of Rs.9,000 crores towards IMF.  Very healthy figures those.

No Pain No Gain
On the sidelines of the Meeting, a British Gora was grumbling-we should never have left India. We should have tried to open more basements of temples for gold, silver & diamonds. Could have been enough to feed Eurozone! We should tunnel their temples from all sides even now.

A Greek delegate was also muttering-there should be another expedition to India. He appeared to be direct descendent of Alexander the Great. He continued his planning of taking a route other than thruough Kabul-Peshawar,  may be sea route. Very logical at that.

German delegate tried his hand at Sanskrit with Indians & tried to emphasize similarities & old relations between the two countries. He said that the great German philosopher Karl Marx is still running his party in West Bengal. They will cherish help from India any time.

Back home Mamta was not happy. I am a simple man she said. Give me Rs.17000 crores first otherwise I will not come to New Delhi to meet you she said.

Nirma Baba was also not happy. He wanted some time & as he said he could have organised much more for poor Europeans. In fact any of them Europeans can directly contact with samosa & hari chutney for welfare formula. Kirpa Jarroor Hogi!

MMS must be in a hurry to distribute the funds notwithstanding inflation going up with manufacturing going down. Is there a need to contribute this money? Ghar me nahi daane aur amma chali bhunane!

 Like Venky Vembu said if your beard is on fire please don’t ask matchstick for Bidi!

Sunday, 17 June 2012

Numbers are Interesting!

As per Times of India news report, a farmer in Punjab spent Rs.17 lacs on getting a car registration number 0001. He has a fascination of this number & he was prepared to go up to Rs. 20 lacs for it! His house number & mobile numbers are also similar.

Numbers on my Car
But I do not fuss over such numbers. I don’t mind if they allot 0000 or even don’t allot any number at all to my car. After all there is a long list of numbers & how far one can go for 0001? I have my Passport number, driving license number, house number, land line number, mobile number, aadhar card number, PANumber, Pension account number, my bike registration number, my car registration number & some others I keep forgetting. But out of all these some numbers are fascinating - numbers relating to date of birth of Madam & date of marriage anniversary. Here you have hardly any choice though. If you are not careful of these two dated numbers your good behaviour numbers may become 0.

Now you may say a number is a number & what is there in a number. Look in maths definition of number means a lot - negative numbers, positive numbers, real numbers, binary numbers,  complex numbers, simple integers, fractional numbers, rational numbers & not the least irrational numbers. This is puzzling – irrational number finds a place in logical maths.

Then there is this great number 0. Invented by ancient Indian mathematician, it has taken the entire mathematics to such a high level of numbers-millions, billions & trillions. They say that Indian system of counting can go much beyond trillions very easily.
Number 13 is very obnoxious to western world. Even 13th floors are found missing from high rise buildings unlike in India. Matter needs further probe by Numbers Committee at New Delhi.

Number 786 is very preferred number among Muslims. They would like it  as vehicle registration numbers. Some of the vehicle owners paint 786 on their vehicles. During my tenure as Branch Manager, some customers wanted their account number to include 786 as prefix or suffix. These days’ computers have taken over & such requests are not possible to be entertained. 

Lawyers have a set of popular numbers at their tips such as: 10, 144, 302, 303, 304, 420.  The last number is a very well known number because of Raj Kapoor’s  film 'Shree 420'.  James Bond films have made 007 very popular. In India Maruti revolutionised the usage of cars with a simple name –Maruti 800.

Now these days in schools they have started grading as measure of performance of the student instead of marks. In good old days it was simply numbers that said -  33/100- Pass,  up to 59/100 –Second division, 60/100 & above First division & 75/100- Distinction etc. It was very simple indeed. Yours Truly had always scored 33/100- Pass number at first available chance.

Can you beat this record?   

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Bulls Testing Each Other

This bull fight was recorded while on way to Ahmedabad from New Delhi.

The fight remained inconclusive like a  'drawn match' !. Recorded on BlackBerry by Gayatri Wardhan.


Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Priority Sector Advance - Moon Dhaba

China is sending a female astronaut into space this year as per newspaper reports. This is wonderful news. Since China is doing it India must also do it for how can India lag behind China. We have launched hundreds of satellites & missiles with huge payloads. We can very well manage sending a women into the space. Or else there could be serious repercussions in New Delhi. There could be demonstrations, dharna at Jantar Mantar or even strike by women folk.
There are enough of technical capabilities available within India & necessary infrastructure is also available in this sector notwithstanding pot holes on roads in Capital City. The capability is vouched by lady scientist incharge who fired the ICBM recently. All one has to do is to simply replace the payload with Maya, Mamata, Sushma or Sonia!

There is no dearth of capable & enterprising folks in India who would later opt for distant moons & planets after visit of the first Indian astronaut lady in the space. I feel this lady should not be called astronaut or cosmonaut but based on our ancient scientific knowledge be called as ‘Pawan Putri’!

In fact while discussing these facts with friends over a couple of drinks, several worthwhile ideas have emerged.

First & foremost person ready to kick start is my friend Yash Sachdeva who runs a successful business in the name & style of Sachdeva Properties. He is a well known property dealer of west Delhi & has made good amount of commission over the years so much so that he can run free  JMD( Jai Mata Di) Bhandara for a week. Just after opening of his office & just before closing, he performs an elaborate pooja which is being listened to by gods up there in the sky. Yash is ready to finance his own ticket but will not go in a Chinese spacecraft for obvious reasons. His plan is to reach there well in time so as to encash the rush for plots later on. 

Next to board the space craft is another friend Gulshan Kumar. He is running a ‘Gullu Dhaba’ on NH-8 near Manesar & has a plan to open Gullu Moon Dhaba on moon. But his worry is whether he would be able to get regular raw material for butter chicken in time. Another worry is that he may run short of money if he is to buy his own space ticket to moon plus has to establish Gullu Moon Dhaba as well. On being offered another large peg & assurance of bank finance by Yours Truly, he is in Q now. Not only that, he is prepared to set up a dhaba at mars also later on. He has proposed to name it as Gullu Mars Dhaba & is ready with a hoarding tag line  – ‘With Branches on Moon & Earth’!

Listening to all this Yours Truly has also decided to join the space wagon. You see after having retired from the Bank, Consultancy Service is already being run by Yours Truly & it would be in fitness of things if an Extension Counter is opened on moon which would be subsequently upgraded to a branch. The project report of Gullu Moon Dhaba is being prepared. Matter has been discussed with Branch Manager who has promised to look in to it within his vested power as soon as staff position improves.

Are you ready for the trip my dear Aroraji?                                                                                               


Friday, 8 June 2012

Slogans & Promotions

Fight to Finish
It was 11.30 & banking hall reflected active Indian economy- money was being withdrawn & money was being deposited by large no. of customers keeping all tellers & cashiers occupied. Service sector GDP was up.

All of a sudden Com. Dik-sit shouted ‘Stop Work’! Yours Truly like everybody else stopped work & service sector GDP crashed.  

Com.Dik-sit  shouted instructions ‘second floor’ & within minutes most of us were on second floor. Slogans were already being shouted ‘RM Hyderabad-Murdabad-2’  by the crowd in front of a cabin there. We also joined the chorus ‘Murdabad-2’  'Hai-Hai-2'. RM Hyderabad was not known to us & in the crowded cabin he was invisible from outside. What did he do to get showers of slogans was not clear. Yours Truly ventured to ask Com. Dik-sit as to who was this RM & what had he done. Com. Dik-sit barked ‘Quiet ! I don’t know. And there is no need for you to know.’

You see this period after nationalisation of banks was in favour of Unions. Demands of the individual members became that of the Unions who took up the cudgels with the management who bowed & the demands were satisfied. Aptly called Social Control of the banks!

But actually it was not that easy. Unions had to mobilise members across the country, issue circulars, organise seminars & meetings, issue notices of strike etc. Social Control has its cost too my dear Arora. Office bearers of the Unions have to work hard on all these aspects & for relaxation,  a peg or two in the evening is in order notwithstanding remarks passed by you my dear Arora.

In the instant case Com. Sehgal later informed that Com. Chada Secy. of the Head Office Union had visited Hyderabad region of course for mobilisation but could not mobilise good numbers. Besides RM Hyderabad named Narayanan Singh did not cooperate- neither did he address a common meeting & nor did he ‘gift properly’.  Now that Narayanan Singh is in Head Office building, befitting reception must be given to place the things in proper perspective. Hence the slogans. However, Com. Sehgal was of the opinion that more the slogans more the chances of promotion of Narayanan Singh.

Narayanan Singh eventually retired after reaching at the top. So dear Arora are you ready to go to the top?